Thursday, September 9, 2010

The Strongest Weakling

I prayed to God for a heart to keep. Can I please keep this one? Please?

Photograph: Sun is shining. Winds are gently singing. Reginald and I are sitting on the front porch. He wouldn't talk to me. He wouldn't touch me.

...He wouldn't even look at me.

Did the chemo finally steal his mind? Was it sucking away his sanity, and not the cancer?

Uh oh...

He starts to cry. HARD.

At that moment, I realized...

There is absolutely nothing I can do. .



My boyfriend is fighting BRAIN CANCER.

So what do I do from here on?

My soul is trembling, shaking and b-r-e-a-k-i-n-g.

Do I look at him as if he will die tomorrow? Or do I look at as if he is the strongest man alive?

Reginald came into my life so unexpected. He walked through the doors and I took a glance at my prince who I longed for. I smiled.

But I looked away.

I didn't want him.

I wanted someone else... we always do huh?

Next thing I know, Reginald and I are spending countless hours on the phone. My little Metro was fried every night. Even my parents were curious as to who the hell I was talking to so much.

I didn't even talk to my ex that much.


But Reginald was determined to steal my heart. End of story.

Then that day came. That day where I found my new handsome friend lying in a hospital bed. Awaiting for open brain surgery. He was smiling. But his eyes were SCREAMING with burning fear.



Have mercy.


During his 5 (what seems like 2 days) hour surgery, I could NOT stop crying. I would NOT. I was dizzy from all the anguish. My guts were bubbling from despair. I was dying with distress.

I just wanted to hold his hand.



dreadful thought penetrated throughout my sore brain. But it was my heart that was swollen.

I walked around my parents' house, wanting to knock myself out.

Before I could, his older brother texted me and I felt the Heavens reign. Reggie had a successful surgery!

But that was just the beginning.....

From then on, I have been there for my Reggie. I been there when he was happy. I been there when he was sad. I was there when he lost all his hair. I was there when it grew back.

Meanwhile his 2-year-old baby boy plays. Dances. Giggles with his invisible buddies. Does RJ have any idea of what his father is going through?

It doesn't matter. Because one day Reginald will tell him. He simply lives for his baby boy.

"That's the only reason why I am alive. Because of my son."

Tomorrow at Henry Ford Hospital, Reggie will meet with doctors.

So until 10:25a.m... I'll sit.

And wait.

And pray.

Oh gosh, I wish I could heal my Honey.

Excuse me, while I wait...

And cry.